How the Shark Killing Fucktards just ended the world. -May 14 2006.
Today, I happened upon a story on Fark.com. Basically, some guys found a record setting hammerhead shark. It was much larger than the previous world record. Anyway, they catch it, measure it, then drive up to an orange grove to bury the carcass, because that's what we do when we find marvels of nature!
That just pisses me off. There were so many things they could have done better with this shark. Instead, they chose to doom all of mankind.. and I'll tell you why. Just for the record, here's a picture of them.
"Hey guys! Let's kill this thing and fuck the planet over!"
Now, I can only imagine what you're thinking now. Maybe you think I'm one of those PETA people that hates to see people kill animals. Nope! I'm just a bastard that thinks you shouldn't kill shit unless you plan on doing something responsible with the body.. like sell it for mad cash.. or eat it.
So, onto why they fucked over the world.. How many people in here enjoy oranges or orange products? That's right.. everyone. (don't disagree with me, or I'll send the shark orange after you.. more on that coming up.)
So, these guys take this carcass and bury it in an orange grove. Maybe they thought they were being spiritual or something. Maybe they just weren't thinking at all..
Here's what they've done. They've created the right conditions for the one thing I fear more than anything else... the dreaded Shark Orange!
The Shark Orange will begin by eating all the people picking the oranges, and will leave no trace behind, other than huge floods of blood that will quickly be sucked up by the now blood-thirsty trees!
Then, people will come to find out where all the orange pickers disappeared to.. and those people will be eaten.
Next thing you know, we've lost thousands of people to the oranges in this grove. But, here's the thing people don't realize.. Some of the oranges have already escaped and are waiting in grocery stores, restaurants, schools, homes, sidewalk vendors and other places you least expect them!
In fact, the Shark Orange's greatest strength is that no one would believe in them until it is too late. Our planet will be taken over and no one will know why.
And all because some stupid bastards in Florida didn't know what to do with the largest hammerhead shark ever caught. Thanks douchebags.
Fun whale facts
Whale vomit is used in perfume and the flavoring of dried fruit and tobacco.
Whales, like the panda, are addicted to chewing on fences.
Whales love to play the bongos while conducting business meetings.
If you stick a whale's tooth in your ear, you can hear mermaids.
Whales are the only known aquatic animal that are known to appreciate a good cup of tea.
Whales are the only known natural enemy of ninjas.
Whales love karaoke.
Whales love to collect banzai trees. They will often steal them if you don't watch out.
Whales are pissed off that they can't wear socks, so they often steal one sock from a pair when we're not looking.
Whales run on diesel fuel... and chili dogs.
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